Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Flies and big sticks

Okay, my question for today is this: Do you catch more flies with honey, or a big stick? I ask this because of a situation I was in that recently came to a head. A few months ago I took on a flatmate. Now, the girl I took was a Trini, a friend of a friend I knew back home. She couldn’t afford the full amount I was asking for, and she couldn’t pay a deposit because she was a student and working part time. But I figured I’d take her anyway because she needed to find a place and I thought it might be better to have someone I knew rather than a complete stranger in the flat. Two hands clapping.

Awrite, so she moves in and then it comes out that she couldn’t pay me monthly but rather weekly. I say alright (it’s partly my fault I tell myself, we should have discussed this before). Anyway, the rent per week works out to be £62.50. She starts off paying that, as agreed, on Friday mornings before I go to work. Then, eventually, starts paying Friday evenings. We never had any discussions about this eh, it just happened. I say alright, might be inconvenient for her to go downstairs to the ATM etc.

Then bam, just so, just so I come home Friday evenings and there’s no money. I getting the money on Saturday. The first time it happened she tells me it’s because she had to pay a bill. The second time was because she had nuttin to eat and had to make groceries. The third time – well, by the third time it come like she was doing me a favour and I getting the money after she get up on a Saturday and gone in town and do she business and come back. No explanation, so I hadda be wondering if I getting pay on a Friday or a Saturday – it all depends on what vaps takes her.

Then yuh had the weeks where she had school fees to pay and kyah pay rent that week, so I getting rent the next week. One time she take three weeks to give me the rent. And while all this happening I telling myself to try and be understanding, that I don’t know how hard she has it and if it was me I would be feeling bad to be struggling to meet my expenses so.

Aye aye! Madam start coming in at night and eh saying good evening, leaving in the morning and eh saying nuttin like if we vex. But as far as I know we eh vex. So it get to the point where I feeling uncomfortable in my own flat! She also start paying £60 instead of the £62.50 and eh saying nuttin. I eat up mehself over that for weeks, studying if to ask she for the money. Eventually I decided to let it pass. I said, that might pay for a meal or something for her but is small change for me. In the end she paid me the outstanding money – several months after, and please bear in mind that, once again, she never asked me anything about this.

So two weeks ago the water bill comes (the bills come every six months) and I ask her if she could pay half. She proceeds to tell me that the only way she could to pay half the bill is if she doesn’t pay rent!!!!!!!!! And then goes on to TELL me that since the bill is on her name, to pay the bill today because she doesn’t want to get a bad credit rating. Now this woman don’t even have a damn bank account and ran off from her last place without telling her landlord anything (which I only found out this weekend) and has the gall to talk about credit rating! And this comes at a time when I trying to do some serious saving eh. So I found a new place to rent – less money, closer to work – and since she doh talk to people I emailed her telling her I’d given the landlord three weeks notice that I was moving and if she wanted to remain she could but she would have to pay the full rent and the deposit and enter into a new lease agreement. She sends me back an email saying I could have spoken to her about it and she never wants to talk to me again.

Well I too glad. This is someone who very quickly took my kindness for weakness, took advantage of my generosity, was moody, had an attitude and only spoke to me when it suited her needs. Imagine she didn’t speak to me for weeks, was only hiding in she room and started back talking when her birthday was approaching and wanted me to cook curry! And she has the gall to say never speak to her again. But the joke is, all the vex she vex and all the beast I is beast she make sure she pay she rent in full, and on time last Friday. So hence the question about the flies and the big stick. When I was trying to be kind and understanding she was giving me pressure. Now that I moving dread she under manners and doing what she was supposed to do in the first place.

So what do you think, do people respond better to nice treatment or bad treatment? Feel free to share personal experiences.

53 comments:

pearlprincess said...

In your case, bad treatment yes. She is one selfish one boy! Stiffing you on rent and everything else and when you get fed up and gone she vex! It was never your responsibility to take up her slack.

Hottie Hottie said...

Aye aye! I eh see you in a lil while pearl (maybe bcasue I wasn't posting eh)

Crankyputz said...

When it comes to matters of the wallet, like paying rent or lending money or selling stuff, there are no friends, just people making a transaction.

Thus Big Sticks are always important.

dat man said...

Trinidad is a plantation society so sometimes we have to treat people like dey on a plantation they only understand bigstick policy.

pearlprincess said...

Yes hottie I still here chile!

Island Spice said...

*sigh* your roomate sounds like my sister.. who I am still related to even when she stiffs me for agreed monies. :S
I agree with Ms Putz.. When it come to money there is no if, but or maybe.. friend or not: PAY UP.
Only exception is family... :)

saucydiva said...

I agree that Trinidadians love the "massa dey" over them with a big stick to get things done!

Take for example at work, I manage a staff of 5 persons;I am their immediate supervisor, they report to me,I do their performance appraisal etc. I try to be a nice boss, accomodating to time off requests, give them autononmy,fight cases on their behlaf to my bosses ...but lately I realise they have been taken me for a fool.

They are coming to work late, always asking for time off, not performing their tasks on time, spending all day surfing the net and untop of that giving me attitude when I speak to them about their performance!

Well you know I had to switch to bitch mode to get the job done! Every man jack got spoken to about their attendance, I warned them that time off is not a luxury and they were abusing it,therefore if they came in half day it will be deducted from their pay or leave...make a choice! In addition, no pc games, listening to music or surfing the net when I am wiating for them to complete an assignment. I had put in a request for new computers for every one,and I promptly took it back. There will be only ONE new computer, apart from mine, and that is for the person who does data entry. I called in the IT people and they made me administrator to that computer as well as I made them remove all programs such as limewire and games that were installed.

Well you know everybody buck up now, and don't mind they vex I am getting my work done. I don't know why it has to take such drastic measures for people to do the right thing eh, but I pulling out my big stick!

Prettidolli said...

Hots, I don't know what to say about this one eh! You provided more than enuf rope from which this wretch could amply hang herself. Your heart is truly de oro. I believe the best solution is the one you have chosen: LIVE ALONE! No one to study and absolutely no worries! However, I would suggest next time (if there is one) that you establish a written and notarized agreement with the other party. I've got paperwork on file for my tenants, they know rent is due on THE FIRST of the month and there ain't NO FCUKING around that!

Emails are so devilishly sneaky aren't they? Text messages too! Ahhhhh cyberdocumentation...Good job......LOL!

Prettidolli said...

Big stick does buss nuff rass......Get down girl go head get dong! Braps dey MC wid ah big hard stick, it's de ONLY WAY. Love taps ent dishing out rong de place I tell yuh wha!

law said...

Hottie, I learned the hard way with that trying to be nice ting. Right up front, draw up a contract, have them sign, and proceed with your BIG STICK. It's the only way to go. I had the same situation and it seems that people always take kindness for weakness. When you take on the no holes barred attitude, you get more respect. Regardless of their circumstances, as Crankputz said, it's a transaction -- over and out, that's it.

Hottie Hottie said...

UPDATE

She started moving things out last night, so I sent a message to her via a mutual friend that if she leaves before the rent is due she has to pay me for the time she was there and give me back the key. She proceeds to send me an email saying all kinda shit like she hide up all she food and cosmetics because she fraid I interfere with it and she take all she important documents to a relative's home and reminds me not to speak to her unless otherwise instructed. After work I meeting the landlord to change the lock. She mess with the WRONG mudder ass THIS evening. I ask she if all the time I was cooking and she was fulling she fat ass off ah meh food if she didn't fraid ah poison she then. She start it, but I will fucking finish it.

Hottie Hottie said...

And Saucy, but you eh easy!!!!! People like bad treatment. That mustbe what they accustom to. Me, I does try to be good to people because I want people to be good to me.

Prettidolli said...

"Me, I does try to be good to people because I want people to be good to me."

In an ideal world, this would work superbly. However, in our f-ed up society and in our f-ed up dealings wih f-ed up people (like ur former roommate), this rarely applies, if ever. It is unfortunate.

This statement is far far better:

"She start it, but I will fcuking finish it."
So with the small talk out of de way, and since she wants to send you low budget comm-uni-kays about "interference", BE A B*TCH:

Live in yuh own b*tchin' place.
Change up yuh b*tch arse locks.
Cook yuh own b*tchin curry.
Tell she tuh mek certain she have yuh B*TCH ARSE RENT!

The unmitigated nerve of some people. Like she 4get how she did managing for free orf of u fuh so long! I TESTIFY and will REMAIN a stouthearted and steady b*tch. HALLELU-YER!

Marinate and fry she arse Hawtie...

Carnival Jumbie said...

Boy Hottie I had a roomate drama just so. The girl was my liming partner and we both needed a roomate and needed to live close to school as we had no car. We agree that over summer she would organise with the agreed complex p there while I was home.When she needed the deposit would send her the cash. So she emails me 2 weeks before school opens and says she organise a 2 bedroom to bath. She want me to put the phone and electricty in my name, the lease in both our names and yeah, by the way, she taking the master bedroom. So I say if i taking all the risk and my credit jumping up (and she is a phone hoe) why the hell she automatically entitled to the master???I suggested that we draw for it or flip a coin to be fair..cause I had real furniture from my old apt.Who win , win., no hard feelings. Also she could put the phone in her name since i have a cell i doh need no phone. She write back and say she have a man so she need the master bedroom. So what? I cyar have man too or wha? Who tell she I paying rent for she man to shack up and I footing the bills AND have the small room (with the bath across the hall).Hells no!
I again tell her we had to be fair about it.She write back and tell me that she taking the room and if I have a problem with it I could find someone else to live with cause she will be buying a car and she have options to where she could go. So i say , good , find someone else.
I ended up on campus with no where to live the weekend before school open. I ended up gettig a one bedroom in the same complex and it was the best thing I ever did. I walk around in my draws as I please,i had my shit how I wanted it.

-:¦:-·:*""*:·.-:¦:-·* cb *·-:¦:-·:*""*:·-:¦:- said...

On top of all the insults and transgressions she kindly reminds you "not to speak to her unless otherwise instructed"!!!!! WTF! She really have a set of brass ball on her, boy.

Hottie, girl, you'd better memorise Dolli's new mantra for you and keep yuh big stick handy for future business dealings.

saucydiva said...

But she not easy ! wrong and strong too. Well yes!

Hottie Hottie said...

Live in yuh own b*tchin' place.
Change up yuh b*tch arse locks.
Cook yuh own b*tchin curry.
Tell she tuh mek certain she have yuh B*TCH ARSE RENT!


I like it. And she not coming over for she stuff unless I have a man there with me to keep she ass in check. AND she pays me rent at the END Of the week so as far as I'm concerned right now, she living there FOR FREE!

Diva, but how your friend advantage so?! If I didn't know better I woulda say was this clong by me. You hafta foot credit and she want the master bedroom fro she and she man! And yuh KNOW that man woulda be there all the time and you uncomfortable in the place.

Well CB, I flip the coin because when them locks change and she want to come for she shit, ent she will have to contact me? Or, by the way, I cancelled my land line and changed my mobile. So I want to see HOW she contacting me.

Karel Mc Intosh said...

Oh geeeed! Well I do declare my twos and sixes. Is Westwood Park in London! Finish it gyul. And is not jes Trinis who like massa treatment, is humans all over yes, gi dem an inch...

Moreso, is to live by yourself. Dat way oder people lives don't intrude/ obstruct yours. And dey cud be fas and outta place, but dey cyah be fas and outta place in your place.

Afrobella said...

Oh, Hottie. I am sorry you have to deal with this drama. I know how it is to come home vex and have someone you can't stand living in your place. People love to take advantage of those who "bite nice." You deserve better. I know your new place will be beautiful, peaceful, and just as cool as you are. And if she give you a hard time, do like my mother - instead of cussing her out just tell her "God will bless you" and watch her serious-serious. Nothing scares people better than that!

Icahwait* said...

Hottie you good yes you let that shit carry on that long. Making you uncomfortable in your own place WTF? You shoulda put it to her how hard she'd woulda had it had you not been so accomadating. STeupseeeeee. She'll find out soon enough
ground rules from the start! fine if you can't afford the asking price but pay on time. I real want to hear how this saga continues when she find the locks change.
How old she is so? You friend didn't warn you?

So she have all her 'importants' at a relatives house but wha she can't stay there?
and what the hell is ..."unless instructed" out of order. So what you fraid she will start fight or what? why you hadda have a man there?
Thank the Lord I ain't never had to deal with any of that shit.

Vami said...

Hottie, you go girl! I am proud of you! well it depends on the type of person really eh, but we would like to think that being human and all, that we respond better to nice treatment but some people really make us question.

katrice said...

Afrobella have me laughing with "God will bless you." I will have to try that.

Or you look at her with real big eyes and point one, shaky finger. Then walk away without a word. They scared you put a hex on 'em.

I vote for big stick. "Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of correction drives it far from him." Well since people stop spanking their kids, foolishness still bound up in a lot of grown folks. So keep a stick handy. LOL

Karabana said...

At a former job, staff parked at a next door cemetery. When there was a lot of snow, they kept the gates closed until they removed it, & staff had to park on a busy street & check every hour to see if the gates were open. This coworker would bitch & moan about this & complain to the cemetery workers, how long could it take to clear the snow, etc. She'd get annoyed & would annoy them. So they would take their time opening the gate.
One such snowy morning when I got there, the gate was closed but I saw some workers inside, so I called out good morning to them, smiled, & one guy came over & I asked him if he was able to open the gate please, he said ok, sure...

When I came into work & told that coworker the gate was open now, I also pointed out you catch a lot more flies with honey than vinegar.

Carnival Jumbie said...

karabana it was probably because they thought you was cute lolol. Refer to my and hottie's beauty and the beast posts lololol

Karabana said...

Regarding this roomate though HH, you were considerate, but she proved herself to be a taker & probably gets away w that kinda $hit in her life, taking advantage of ppl to the point where they are forced to stop being courteous. So now you're doing the right thing, no more Ms. Nice Gyrl.

Hottie Hottie said...

UPDATE

The landlord came and changed the lock last night. So now she will have to contact ME when she wants her things. Of course, allyuh know I hitting her the "do not contact me unless otherwise instructed" line. I will set up a date and time for her to collect her stuff. And make sure the present landlord is there since he does not want her on the property alone. Oh, and since I've subsewuently spoken to her last landlord and found out that she left the property without paying him rent, HE wants to be there when she comes to collect also... He last lanlord also happens to be a policeman.

Hottie Hottie said...

Her, sorry.

Hottie Hottie said...

Aye, subsequently, sorry.

Hottie Hottie said...

Karel, you know who it is... Just think of somebody in we last wuk with a BIG head and a preference for drinking Stag with people man.

Sexelise said...

hottie,

people do take your kidness for your weakness.. I use to be very understanding about situations like that.... but now I am always in beast mode... one of my friend co-workers call me the bill collector.. you want me to register you for mas... here is mybank account go deposit the money... there is a chase on every corner...I dont play... anymore...

But in the end the good always trample over evil.. you will get your blessings for your good deeds! and sometimes you better off with no roomate...

caisoqueen said...

hahaha..Hottie, you ain easy. So when she come for de rest of her stuff, she will see de ole landlord dey too....fyahhh.. I cyah stand people like dat. My good friend wanted us to get an apt together, and I said no....cyah deal wid de drama yo. If I hadda wuk 2 jobs to pay my rent...so be it. Peace of mind is de key for me yes.

saucydiva said...

Hottie you like my mother,woman does be sweet and nice but doh get she on the wrong side, is hell to pay! Well, she look for what she get and I know she will be stunned when she see the old land lord show up..LOL.

Hottie Hottie said...

UPDATE

She sends me ANOTHER email saying that, now that the bridge has collapsed burning into the sea, she wants to thank me for all that I've done, that I was generous, kind and considerate and she didn't deserve me as a roomate. I told her I know she's being sarcastic but that's the only truth she's spoken in the last few weeks. Oh and don't contact me unless instructed otherwise. That pelau missing a few peas yes.

Mani said...

Lol, Hottie well I love this post. Whey deez people does come out from gyul? And the thing is they don't start off so. They does be so nice in the begining then tun beas'. Well yes. But I glad you turn the tables on her. Who de ass she feel she is. let she contact you when she want her things. It's good to send her a little reminder every now and again who is boss.

CarnivalJubmie, you real make me laugh. You had to be joking. What she feel it is? But iz a dog show? Your name on everything and yet still she putting you in the small room so she could have sexy time with she man. Next thing you know the man start eating your food and using your toiletries. Fire bun that yes.

Mani said...

But to answer your question, a line from "Bowling for Columbine": The pen is mightier than the sword, but always keep a sword handy for when the pen fails.

Anonymous said...

Hottie

You good girl,nah yuh reeeeaaaalll good. You deserve de nobel peace prize. Right now I feeling like I could run up on she chest and is not even me. BTW what alyuh friend saying about this, the one who know both you and her?

And on top ah dat she have sacarsm, look overs dah little girl yes.....

Nairian said...

I did the roomate thing...
NEVER move in with a friend or someone you know...
They seem to think that because you are friends they can start slacking on responsabilities (rent/chores/rules). In case you can't tell yes I've had a baaaad experience to (Friend + living together = BAD)
I think everyone who has had roomates has had at least ONE horror story, no?
BUT if you are thinking of it write up a contract detailing EVERYTHING. The amount of rent, when it is to be paid, duties that are expected to be performed, what % of the bills are going to be paid, how many weeks notice they must give before moving out, get first and last down-payment. SIgn it with a witness and THEN maybe, MAYBE it might just work...
But I still think the drama would surface eventually.
Do like me I learned my lesson!
I live on my own and it is fabulous! he he...

Hottie Hottie said...

Everyone, thanks for the words of advice and support - not to mention the kicks. Afrobella, I like the God will bless you talk, because I really don't wish her ill but it will bother her if I say it! Now, I'm not saying I was perfect in the whole thing, because I'm sure I did stuff that pissed her off too. But the fact is, the very least she had to do was honour the terms of the agreement. And look at how ugly things have gotten because of her half baked and now, slightly disturbing mind.

And anon, (for all I know you could be her because she know about meh blog) the mutal friend says she doesn't want to comment on the situation, which is understandable, but we still talking like normal so I think we cool.

yankeegirl said...

Mz. Hottie...sorry to see you suffering through this MADNESS!
I know you have a good heart though...look at you taking the time to send me a big list of places to find gold sneakers...and you didn't know me from Adam!!!
Girl, take it from an 'old lady'...find small ways to economize and have your apt. to yourself....after dealing with the outside world all day, it is truly a blessing to come home (YOUR VERY OWN HOME)to peace and quiet!

Carnival Jumbie said...

Well mani/Hottie the joke is after she make all that style on me and throw thing in my face about how she getting car and thing and is her way or the highway ..SHE stop talking to me like if I do her something.She must be really feel she could have do me something cause I still end up with my own place AND a car.
The girl is a Bajan and she does come for carnival every year so I does still see her and up to this year the girl STILL giving me cut eye four years later. She bounce up me and a next former schoolmate who was staying by me for Carnival and playing like she talking to the girl and not to me.
Who does send dem boy??

ttfootball said...

LOL LOL LOL!!!!!!!!
Hottie now I REALLY believe your life is a soap opera ;-)
You have real belly and even more patience to deal wit she for so long.
I doh know if to say big stick or not. When i was working in trinidad, definitely big stick, I had some girls only shortcuttin the work and makin my job harder. Now in the U.S. (coaching) I have to play it by ear, you will always find slackers.

saucydiva said...

LOL good thing I have no roomate stories to share yes! Those so called "friends" not easy.

Hottie, I feel anon is she too; how she bringing yuh friend into this? LOL.

Oh, and I like how anon 8:51 feel to run up she chest..LMAO at that comment!!!

Prettidolli said...

Hottie..

LAWD this is turning into:

The Boldface and the Homeless
As the Rent Turns
All My Landlords.........

I was going to tell u to mek certain u have a bobby there. Also nuff Hefty trash bags to pack she shyte yuhself and leff it in de hallway/bldg storage area fuh she to collect. Is what u keh? De damn locks change already! I know yuh is a gyul that has plenty of trash bags at hand fuh yuh band "Recycle" eh! I didn't have time to say this b4 and I do now...Sorry! Yuh well and turn Scotland Yard pon she backside oui.

With that being said...Goodnite and Godspeed wid de likes ah she.

Hottie Hottie said...

Yankee girl, what is a list of sneakers? I mean, at some point in time I will want something from somebody.

Diva, is so they does be wrong and strong. And yuh KNOW she ponging yuh all over tong.


"The Boldface and the Homeless
As the Rent Turns
All My Landlords........."

Dolli, ah LOVE IT. If you and me was rooming together we mighta have some fights yuh know, but they would be some real jokey fight!!!!!

kittykat said...

Hottie & Saucy

This is anon....I am not the person, I was so exicited to put my two cents in on the situation that I signed in as anon. As a matter of fact the whole thing was so exicting it cost both by friend and I overseas calls for us to discuss in details and to say all the things we would and wouldn't do, yuh know how Trinis stop.

Anyway,I was just curious as to how the mutual friend is taking it , because I could imagine it is embarassing.

Girl, England big enough for yuh to just pretend that girl never existed on the face of the earth.

Hottie Hottie said...

"Somebody kittykat, get away..."

MORNING! I didn't really think you was she cause I sure she woulda come on here with guns blazing. Well, I doh know nah because after somebody says they feel you will attack them in their sleep or try to poison them you can't pretend to know what they will think or do again nah).

LOL! You call your friend overseas to discuss this?! But like you was REAL excited!

Anonymous said...

But Hottie, wah happen to yuh column this week?..or dis it?

Hottie Hottie said...

Aye aye! Ah fuhget.

GIJoe said...

that's the problem we trinis have in big people land... we bring up to tink money talk eh polite company talk. so when is we to ketch, we wondering "but why is me dat feeling funny fuh de ting, an is dey dat owing me??"
you see me? i learn from my days in US to doh study it. my money look same as yours, so no shame in talking about it. moreso when you hol'ing mine and tinking it looking like yours still.
pay up sucka. lol!
mani: me an you brother, i have a katana on my bookshelf at home for when the ink run dry.

Prettidolli said...

"Dolli, ah LOVE IT. If you and me was rooming together we mighta have some fights yuh know, but they would be some real jokey fight!!!!!"

Girl, why we would have to fight? LOL! It would be some DRAMA though, cuz' I does feel I was raised by the summa cum laude graduate of the Erica Kane School of Method Acting.....Soaaaap Opera oui! You could put up wid me Lysol on and in EVERYTHING, meh Ebay, me bad tuh rass aria singing, meh Bollywood chooking, meh Samba Saturday Mornings, and de HARD kyahkyahkyah @ meh Dave Chapelle and Ali G.. I'd trip over allyuh shoes dem. I'd come home and be like:

HAWWWWWWWWWWWWTIE!! NAH HAWWWWWWWWTIE NAHHHHHHHHHHH???!!!!

Is whey meh big tin ah Lalah curry?
De big burgundy tin?
Whey it?
Is wheyyyyyyyyyyy meh CURRY?
Oh! Yuh cook it so in trut?
Okay.........Ah good.
De food finish yet?

I have curry mouth...:p

I does feel yuh did study @ Erica Kane too yuh know.........LOL.

Chennette said...

I had a bad experience with flatmates in undergrad - left me with a good good friend for life, and mortal enemies. It is hard to be tough upfront with friends, so it's better in thelong run to make it a business arrangement from the beginning. Glad you coming out on top!

Karabana said...

What's the update HH? Is she gone for good? Hope so!

BlackSpaniard said...

Hottie!!! Yuh is meh cousin, ah love yuh 2 bad yes!!! I had a same situation on my end... My roomate, eh want to give me he full share ah dey rent.... paying 80% of his part, eh helping with the bills, eh want to buy as much as a paradise plum to save he life, if he was dying of a parched throat... dey boy eh have as much as a paraket on ah stick to mind.... well wen i cud not take it no more, ah light some fyah in he ass!!!! i tell him i not doing it... as much as dey lease in both our names i eh carrying u no further... yuh eh meh woman, yuh eh family, we eh rooksing!!! ah dat shit donning today.. well since den, my boy paying rent the 2nd week for the following month, das to tell you how early he is..... I does jes laugh to myself....