Corsets and Diamonds

So yuh girl had a ball this weekend. Sheesheetay meh backside on Friday and nearly lose meh toes in a pair of high heeled granny boots. Throw down a bottle a wine with a friend, we find we still stand up strong, making plenty sense and thing still.

“Dat wine eh strong at all man,” meh friend say.

“Nah man. Not at all,” I say.

“Should we buy another one?” she asked.

“Hold up, lemme go and pee.”

As yuh girl reach the toilet the place start to dance. Nothing major eh, just a lil gentle swaying, like when yuh hear a song in public yuh like and yuh want to dance but can’t. So I went back outside to tell meh fren well lewwe hold a lil strain because like the wine strong after all. Lo and behold, a next bottle rest down in front she and two glass full up. Needless to say, yuh girl cackle and fling rong sheself whole night. Wasn’t drunk, mind you. But was FLIPPIN’ TIPSY.

Saturday den. Went to a Tex Mex restaurant in Tralfalgar Square and the bitches dem had only one veggie option, which consisted of a HEAP a half dead looking (and tasting) mix rice and black bean fajitas that I still looking for. But I wait so long to get the damn food anyway that I full up fas. Then was off to a burlesque party. This is what, the second, third time I went to see woman stripping for the year so far? If I did like woman is one thing, but yuh would wonder why I eh find meh backside in a male strip club/party eh.

So yeah, the theme was Corsets and Diamonds but yuh girl couldn’t find a pants to go with the corset (if I did only know what other people was wearing I coulda damn well just go in a panty and bra). So I end up wearing a corsety like dress which was cool if not for the fact that I bought it when I was 10lbs lighter and it was ARREADY tight. Needless to say I ripped the thing by the end of the night. I feel it happen when I was crawling across the crouch to Like a Virgin. Or when I was dancing on the stage. Or it could be when I was pretending I was in a music video standing in front the big fan with meh hair blowing in the wind. Dat was in de second club called Ghetto. Doh ask.

Saw two woman fighting in the toilet because one ah dem say de next one was leading she on because she giving she current and she done have a woman. Den they come out and ask me what I think. Me sister?! Me eh think nuttin nah. Next thing yuh know people woman want to brace me because I say. Anyway, crawl home fore day morning – after nearly lambasting this annoying, mad, crass, ghetto Jamaican woman in the station. Was snowing on the way home and by the time I crawl to bed by 9 everything was white and I was dead. So, what allyuh get up to?