Monday, May 28, 2007

Vacancy: CHILE FADDER

Modest Goddess wishes to advise that applications for the position of HottieHottie potential chile fadder are now being accepted (please see post below). Electronic applications will be accepted; please attach photo and any additional credentials you feel qualify you for the post (formally trained chef, childhood friendship with Jimmy Choo). The successful applicant will have:
A high sperm count.
Excellent communications skills plus the ability to argue convincingly and make back up expertly, preferrably several times in one night.
Tertiary level education will be an asset but will not be taken as an automatic assumption of you having a brain. This will be THOROUGHLY tested. As well as other body parts.
The potential to graduate from child fadder to husband, should HottieHottie feel the need for expansion of said role.
Kinkiness and a certain level of freakiness. Obsession with freaky shit unacceptable. High levels of stamina necessary.
Gainful employment and a level of attractiveness that will make him feel equal to HottieHottie so she will not have to hear any assness about his not being good enough for her. Note: Intelligent candidates will realise they can strive for equality. Superiority is out of the question and unpardonable.
Must display ability to be comfortable with affection and being occasionally spoilt.
Must be willing to accept occasional grooming (shaving, blackhead removal, head shampoos, nail filing).
Remuneration wil be negotiable and will be attached to one's level of qualification. However, a sexual stipend is automatic with "commission" and bonuses given at HottieHottie's discretion based on actual job performance.

24 comments:

Dre said...

yuh back with a bang eh... :)

Hottie Hottie said...

Quite literally, I'm hoping...

Ah wonder if you is de dre I know. Mr, when life gives you lemons.

Silk Cotton Jumbie said...

Kinda drastic dey gyul. Wappening to put you in this state ah mind? If you just feel like talking, feel free to call, I still in Brum. :-)

Internet sorted I see. Missed your posts over the past couple weeks.

Silk Cotton Jumbie said...

Hmm, just re-read your post... took my time. I must compliment you on an excellent description of a MAN, (as opposed to a man). I'm impressed with your observational skills, heh heh.

Hottie Hottie said...

Which post is dat? Covering meh bases in case boy...

Hottie Hottie said...

And thank you.

Silk Cotton Jumbie said...

This post chile, this post.

Hottie Hottie said...

Well awrite nah! De way how yuh talk bout real man and ting ah was wondering if was de same post.

Silk Cotton Jumbie said...

Heh heh, well, your observations indicate a man of sense and sensibilities (and abilities). A real man, not the ones passing themselves off as such. Heh heh heh.

I have to admit, not many women observe these qualities in men or that they are necessary. Hence my compliments on your observation. And your descriptive style. :-))

Hottie Hottie said...

Heh heh heh. Why, thank you...

'rah said...

LMAO

Trouble said...

You know seh you just described me to a T... 'till you got to the "graduating to husband" part and I lost interest...

Jumbie said...

So let's see... how many applications yuh pull in so far? It should number over a dozen by now... :-))

Shandy said...

heh heh heh I should put out a job description like that yes! All these boys in men's disguises running around NYC is not working for meh!

Anonymous said...

Still continue to read, enjoy and love your writing. Been trying to call you. Who should I address my 'CHILE FADDER' application to...you or is a lawyer acting on your behalf?

By the way it's me...Bazodee Friday.

Hottie Hottie said...

But who de hell is dis? Who is Bazodee Friday. Email meh private nah.

Anonymous said...

I have e-mailed you private...tried calling you as well, but that line is down. Let's see now...carnival '07 (which you missed) you managed to get a small taste though, Bazodee Friday as well as WASA and maybe one or two other events.

"Lorraine, you better wake up..."

Any clue now...

Hottie Hottie said...

Yes you bastard. I'm online with you now. Steups. And thanks for caling me first thing this morning to hand in your application ON DE PHONE EH!

Hottie Hottie said...

That should be calling

Anonymous said...

You cannot even freakin' spell dammit...maybe you should just forget school ok.

Hottie Hottie said...

Talk to me when you remember to use commas.

Fiyah said...

Hilarious! Lady... you had me at "blackhead removal"! I totally took that shit for granted in my last relationship. *sigh*

Lemme send een mih application yah man!

Hottie Hottie said...

Well sen'am!

Hottie Hottie said...

Wait. You wait until you reach quite tuh ass blackhead removal fuh me to ketch yuh!? But ah losing meh skills!